you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize