I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
