Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
