Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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