Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
