what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
