i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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