Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
