Soap is not a condiment
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
