i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
