If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
