420 ftw
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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