oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
