It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The feeling are messing with the penis
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
