that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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