I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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