Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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