Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
