shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
