if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
