Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
