those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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