Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
