I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this just has baby written all over it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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