Please, let me fuck your mom
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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