where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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