I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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