I want to walk on stilts...naked
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
