Only a mothe r could love this liver
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
