i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
