maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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