Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
