I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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