I didn't shave. On purpose
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
