Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
