then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
time to smoke my breakfast
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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