It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
