it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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