Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
