My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
