If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
