This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
