here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
