We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
