Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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