woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
