did you get engaged???
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
