I think i peed on brittanys purse
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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