I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
