For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize