Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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