Michael Bay diarrhea
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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